The Bewilderment of XRMXX Males (Working Draft)

The Bewilderment of XRMXX Males*


Part I

He's here, he's horny, he has a cock and, of course, he's thinking with the little head (again). He is rather bewildered by the site. Now, if he sticks to the "Just Porn" aspect of it, he'll be fine forever. He'll find an endless supply of great porn in virtually every category an average person might seek, and likely find things he never knew existed. But, if and when he puts his toe into the "social" side of things, he often seems totally lost and this is where he starts knocking down telephone polls.

In trying to overcome the confusion and engender better behavior of (mostly) the males here, I will first give you an overview of the various kinds of Profiles one encounters here. These are my own terms for the profiles but you may find them useful to review.

Profile types: (In no particular order)

1) Camera Models -- Women, men and couples who provide paid erotic camera shows. Some customers, so it seems based on comments on these Profiles, develop an kind of courtesan relationship with the model. I'm not a one for that kind of entertainment but apparently it's very popular. Camera Models' profiles have a little logo announcing that they are a Cam Model.

2) Content Providers and Producers (Major, minor, amateur, rank amateur). Self-evident for the most part. Often featuring some of the finest new porn clips. If you find ones you like, buy from them and let them know you found them here.

3) Off-site service -- other "dating" and "adult services" websites and individuals. AFF-type of sites. Some of these Profiles appear to be "Normal" (see below) profiles but are designed and staffed by people who are there to drive business to their sites. I'm not a fan of this kind of thing, to put it mildly. I don't mind you advertising your services in a profile, I might even want to give on a try, but I don't like Fake Personas (ruses) masquerading as a "Normal" users. Some of these agents will even chat you up a bit, they also leave comments on videos making it appear they are enjoying the clips, etc. but the Mission is to get you registered with their business.

4) Professional sex workers (Prostitutes) (F-M) -- Usually a low or no content, unverified profile. Usually will have a gallery and Avatar that appear to be an actual "Normal Woman" type of profile. These profiles often have no video uploads or favorites and few or no comments.

5) Trolls (various types -- various scam artists, wolf-pack con-game teams, others. I've not run into this but have heard it mentioned in some commentary elsewhere.

6) Good uploaders -- can't say enough good things about them. Great profiles, fun, smart people. talented people. The community of unabashed erotica fans enjoying a form of entertainment that is by, for and about adults.

8) "Normal Men" -- I include myself in this category. These profiles are created by normal men (Straight, Gay, Bi, TV) who like porn and are primarily here to enjoy it. They also like to compare notes on talent we like and generally try to help each other find good things to see. They also tend to interact with each other well.

9) "Normal Women" -- Pretty much the same as for "Normal men" Straight, Gay, Bi, TV women who enjoy viewing porn and use the site the exact same ways any of the other "Normal" users do.

10) "Normal Couples" -- Pretty much the same as 8-9. So far, some of the couples' profiles I've seen are among the most creative and are often well-stocked with videos, photos, blogs and good designing -- some of the very best profiles I've seen on the site.

11) "Normal Swingers' community" profiles -- Good folks for the most part, 99.9 per cent of the time it's a couples' profile or a man's. Usually very straight-forward profile, often with verified photo. These people are usually friendly adults and will interact in a polite and pleasant way. They are overloaded with single men and may just ignore PMs or "Wall" messages (my assumption, there). If you want "in" to any particular community of Swingers, xhmaster might provide a way there but you'll have to be patient and take it slow. Most welcomee by these Profiles (People) will be couples and single women.

12) "Tribute" Profile -- These are odd. Some, many in fact, have little or no content, sparse to no introduction, more than 1000 "friends" (and more), pictures of splattered photos and nothing else. Some women seem to be thrilled by it, fine. Others are come-on for other off-site services and sites. If a woman, or anyone, enjoys this sort of thing, go for it. It all just seems a bit odd to me.

Some of the "Normal" category profiles may emphaisze various life-styles or interests but they all still are part of the wide and diverse category of good "Normal" XRMXX users.

Ok, so are you a little more grounded? I hope so. Xhamster is a big site with many features. Some of the site's features make for good dance partners, some can step on each other's toes. And therein is, I think, the root of the problem with all the bad male behavior we've all been hearing so much about lately.

In the next section we'll zero-in the problems the Bewildered Male causes, particularly to problems and annoyances he leaves at the doorsteps of "Normal-type" profile=keepers here.

Part II -- Types of Problem Users (my own terms)

From what I can tell, after reading a good many profiles where bad behavior is show -- P-L-P "beautiful sadness" gallery, MinxGirl's N&S work, others...these are the general categories of "problem users."

1. Newbies -- Can be any or all of the following -- new to the net, new to porn, new to social interaction and, on top of that, many are sexually ignorant. Newbies mostly just need to be trained. After they are trained they might turn into very good participants in Xhamster. Their first comments maybe the typical, "Hey (insert offensive adjective), I wanna X your Y." but in time they will improve. They "friend" promiscuously. I'd say give them a second chance. A hard smack-down might turn a newbie in a Goat, or the newbie might make an attempt -- likely a highly inept attempt -- to run some kind of Troll-like little operation.

2. Goats -- Goats are just out to be mean! They don't like themselves, you or anyone else. Watching porn, I think, enflames the Goat and brings out the meaness in him. The Goat watches porn and, rather than pleasure, feels frustrated and agnry. So, now, witness the Goat. He just finished doing "you-don't-want-to-know-what" watching "you-don't-want-to-know" which video, perhaps on your profile. And, his little release done, we're all lucky if the Goat falls asleep so the adults can talk. But being mean thrills the Goat and gives him energy. You see, most Goats are actually very numb, but they get a special charge from, guess what?: being mean. So, here he goes, he will -- post rude, cutting remarks, give you back-handed compliments, leave unduly graphic comments "that video made me want to X in your Y (using your profile's name). Goats leave the snide remarks, too. Bigots are often Goats, along with other usual suspects -- racists, homophobics and misogynists. (Tech Note: Goats can also be Trolls, and are known as "Grolls") (Please note, no actual goats were harmed in the writing of this paragraph).

3. Trolls -- This is a very important category and much could be said specific to XRMXX. But, most of you know what trolls are by now. If you're a newbie (welcome!) and don't know much about "Trolls" or "Trolling" on the internet, at least skim over the Wikipedia article on it. Here's the link to it: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Troll_%28Internet%29 The old internet rule is: . Trolls are out to capture your attention and waste your time.

4. Troglodytes (Trogs) -- Often nice people and useful for moving large rocks or other heavy objects, also good at crushing ice in summer. If, however, a Troglodyte has gone wild he probably can not be tamed, but he may be able to be trained -- to quote from Life of Pi. Trogs typically don't read well and don't read the text on your profile carefully. Once in a while an untrained or "wild Trog" might grunt about something on a profile, but, for the most part, they don't. Trogs are often fine as subscribers but friend them cautiously. Some Trogs are polite and will thank you. Pet them and keep them well fed and rested. Most men have at least some Troglodyte personality traits. They can be very loyal. Trogs can make good "friends" just keep your expectations in check and show them a little patience if they err. Some "Wild Trogs" can not be trained, those must be sequestered and caged.

5. Zombies -- These are the Stalkers and dangerous men (and perhaps some women) -- No doubt there are dangerous men lurking around these Profiles. What can I say you don't already know. Just, . Never. If you are open and posting videos of yourself in the nude or even just face pictures, etc. (head shots), that's great. It's a wonderful part of the site. I may even get into doing it myself. I don't feel a need to do it, some might, that's OK with me, too. But I digress. If you posting pictures or videos of yourself use EXTREME caution. Check what's in the background of your photos and videos. Show what you wish, but look for give-away details which Zombies sometimes good at detecting. For going from Cyber to RL meeting, I recommend you have at least nine points of identity and three confirmed contacts regarding anyone you might plan to meet. Zombies are everywhere, so this is not applicable only to xhamster but equally so to twitter, facebook, etc.


*-Obligatory disclaimer to prempt charges of anti-male bias. While this entry is headlined "Bewildered Males," any and all of the issues discussed herein might apply to a woman doing the same as a man. I'm not here to "vent" or "beat-up" on the men. Just the opposite.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lastly, we'll suggest some possible solutions.

==End DRAFT==

Preliminary Notes on conclusion.

Failure to distinguish between profile types
Educate don't emasculate (gelding may be the only option in some cases, however)
Do you realize what you just said, did you mean it, did he or she really say what I think they did? Read what is actually said and respond accordingly, if confused seek clarification. How often in an on-line chat did someone leave out a crucial article or word...