My Friend May Not Be Your Friend...

Can we talk about something for a little bit? For those of you that know me, I'm real, genuine and straight up.

I want to ask that you not get offended if you see me post a few kind words to someone who is not your ideal of a friend. This happens occasionally. With the worldwide dynamic that we all represent here, it's bound to happen. I have friends myself who talk to a few people I have found to be distasteful. I'm sure you've run across this awkward problem here, and if you haven't, chances are you will. Please don't take it personally. Some users just automatically click a certain way with others... In a way you may not.

It doesn't make them any less of a friend to you, or change the way they feel about you and it really shouldn't make a difference to you. Just sayin'... Something to think about.

Did that make any sense? Lol.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the subject.

发布者 SassyBri

11 年前

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ab8715 10 年前

Well in principle I agree with your position however in some cases being common friends with someone is not possible sometimes you just have to make a stand depending on if it's just a small annoyance or an egregious misrepresentation or slander-ish behavior… I don't know about you but I look at the entire profile if the person seems like a troublemaker I don't invite him and I don't accept their requests I also asked my really good friends of which I have very few on this website… But if they tell me that they've had trouble with the individual I will not invite them to accept their request if I find out that someone is involved with someone that I cannot stand normally I would leave them alone except for one case and after I explained my position to the friend or the person who request friendship from me then come over to my side and if they don't they at least know why I declined their request…

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crazyboutsex 10 年前

至 SassyBri : I agree, it's wrong being forced to take sides. I choose my friends, it's my own and no-one else's decision.

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leatherman77 10 年前

oh i completly agree with you is shouldnt make a diference .and yes it makes very much sence

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jonboi18 10 年前

Its going to happen to everyone at some point wheather its here or in the real world. weve all got friends who are friendly with folk that you dont like but you tolerate them for the sake of your friendship.
Or vice-versa you could be the friend of someone that other people dont like but you hope people toterate eacth other for the sake of your muteul friend.
I hope that made some kind of sense

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edintx99 10 年前

I kind of come at this in a different manner. Who you are friends with is somewhat an indication of who you are as well. Say I had a best friend in the real world, hung out with them a lot one-on-one, thought they were fun to be with and they were always dependable and supportive and all that. Then one day I find out that ALL of their other friends were serial killers. OK, now it tells me I don't really KNOW this person who was my best friend. That aside, I can't see making someone choose between people they hang out with or talk to; that's not the definition of a friend to me.

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cumhereoften 11 年前

It was early last December, as near as I remember
I was walking down the street in tipsy pride
No one was I disturbing, as I lay down by the curbing
And a pig came up and lay down by my side

As I lay there in the gutter, thinking thoughts I cannot utter
A lady passing by was heard to say
"You can tell a man who boozes by the company he chooses"
And the pig got up and slowly walked away

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SassyBri 出版商 11 年前

This is the answer given to the question "Do you think it is childish to make someone choose between friends?" on the link below from _smiley_.

Okay so there's this chick who hates me. We have this mutual friend and she told that friend that they either had to be friends with her or me. This said mutual friend told her that she does not pick sides and she is friends with both of us so the chick who hates me will not talk to her anymore. Does anyone think this is childish? Making a friend choose between you and the person you hate, even though that friend is mutual friends with both. I hate this girl as much as she hates me but I am not telling all my friends to pick either me or her. I think that's wrong. What do you people think?

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lone-wolf-49 11 年前

You're making great sense SassiBri. I've ran into this myself already. Thanks for giving this Newbie some perspective!

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SassyBri 出版商 11 年前

"Friends accept us for who we are and what we are as individuals not by who we know"

I wish you were right about that... but I've found that if they do it is done so grudgingly... And you still here about it from time to time.

What tha hell though. Can't we just get along? No, not always, but at times that's okay too. A little debate never hurt anybody and it celebrates that we are all different with many opinions that may be opposing. Don't make a big deal out of that when it happens. Just give your opinion then move along. I think it's really sad when those who disagree with a topic or piece of content stay silent about it instead of choosing to voice their thoughts... The ol' "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." saying... I tend to disagree with this saying, seeing that as challenges in thought are brought out into the open they often can be understood and even accepted, if not, then at least appreciated... Ah HELL who am I kidding. It just starts a big 'ol fight and nobody's happy!!! LOL. My point is... It's okay to have a difference of opinion and people should not get so butt hurt over said differences.

There. I. Said. It.

Have Fun! Loves,
SassyBri ~

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thunderhk3 11 年前

The dynamics of friendship and how each of us interpret this bond is unique. In my opinion, people use the term "friend " loosely. Friends accept us for who we are. Many of these other people are no more than an acquaintance. Every friendship starts with a common thread between two people and then builds to different levels and transforms over time. Friends accept us for who we are and what we are as individuals not by who we know

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magnolia123 11 年前

I could not agree more. I wish I had read this a few months ago. I appreciate that you wrote this and have enjoyed reading your blogs.

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Longneckbtl 11 年前

A simple personal example for me; I enjoy photograpy and a friend and I spend a lot of time working on it because she enjoys the process too. I also enjoy sailing and last summer sailed to Hawaii from home, my photog friend gets sea sick. It's unreasonable for her to expect for me to sail to Hawaii alone. Now extend that concept to all the miriad of interests, learnings, training, obsessions and fetishes I might have and it's easy to see why I choose to remain single. For both myself and my several friends best interests.

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SassyBri 出版商 11 年前

True that Derek, LOL! I've seen it happen. It's what makes this crazy world of ours go round and round. The an interesting twist to it every now and then. Otherwise it just might become a little boring with the same 'ol same 'ol.

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anthony_weston 11 年前

至 DanielPortenio : Perfectly stated.

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anthony_weston 11 年前

至 tiatempest : You're what I call "friends anyway." I always like reading your page and the comments there. I'll jump in from time to time and you've always been very friendly, often hilarious and I find you completely charming in every way. I've said that before and I'm going to keep on saying it. I think the site should really let us all keep our friends list private, or we should be able to be "invisible" on the others' lists but it is what it is. The cuts are too broad, "frineds only" or not.. We cold all use more nuance in how those setting can work. A blog like this is actually a bit of a work around. Now I have one more way to keep some profiles closer without them being on the "friends list." Just because the site is clumsy in some ways it doesn't mean we have to be.

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anthony_weston 11 年前

Bottom line, imho, no one has any place being critical of what we say or post to anyone here. I can see someone maybe warning a friend about someone else based on prior bad experience with that person but that's being a friend. I do think there's a lot of issues around the public sex lots are doing on the site and jealousies that might come into play around that and that leads comments based on jealousies. Your blog is not all too specific so I'm not sure exactly what you're getting at but in reading it these are a few things that came to mind.

I may be way off in left-field to what you're actually talking about but thought I'd post this.

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pipelayer4you 11 年前

yes to us ... but we have 'common sense' and ya know it ain't common...LOVE your new pics great quality.

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DanielPortenio 11 年前

The relation of Friendship doesn't need to be transitive.

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hubbelihub 11 年前

至 Alared : So much agree. Good point and very well formulated!

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Longneckbtl 11 年前

I shy away from those that seek influence into my life choices.

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blus_lvr 11 年前

My friends friends are no reason for my friends not to be my friends ... unless of course they give me some reason not to be friends .... wink

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Alared 11 年前

I think it is a free country, you talk to who you want and I talk to who I want. This is a porn site, we are all here for different reasons. Mostly to have a few minutes escape from the real world. Don't make this a part of it and don't let it get you down. Too many people OVER think things and become bogged down with life, have a good time here and do what YOU want to do.

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Bigjembo 11 年前

Amen! You and i are friends for reasons only known to us. The same goes for each friendship we have. If some one has a probleb with that, well they aren't exactly friends now are they?

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rodent1 11 年前

I do enough of this in my personal life. Compared to that, Xhamster is a cakewalk.

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cumcravingcraver02 11 年前

you make perfect sence Bri.

i don't mind who's friends with my friends. i only start to care if that friend of a friend goes against my morals and values. i'm dead set against any form of discrimination, violent(including verbal)/destructive behavior and general disrespectfulness onto others.
makes me wonder if my direct friend is ok with that and if so, bye!

otherwise if i just don't like the person, you won't hear a peep outta me. like you said that "doesn't make them any less of a friend".
who am i to deny them their friendship or cause friction, just because i don't like the friend? nah that's not my place. be and let be. respect their choises, as they do mine.

"What do you think about friends who have friends that are your adversary?"
still their choise. my problem is with the adversary, not my friend.

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This is one of the reasons that led me to decide not to maintain a friends list.

Although I don't have an actual friends list there are people that I am friendly with and I have in the past been in a position where two of my "friends" were at loggerheads. Being stuck in the middle of a situation like that is no fun at all. For me personally the site is all about having fun and anything that detracts from that is a negative.

I suppose that it's human nature to judge people by the company that they keep, although I always try to veer away from that and prefer to judge them by the way that they treat myself and other users.

Great page by the way:) I am a frequent, albeit invisible, visitor.

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hubbelihub 11 年前

It makes a lot of sense to me. In fact, it's nice to see " a few kind words" posted here. I guess it has to do with freedom from prejudices which is always difficult to tackle. In addition, it can be very, very difficult to express oneself in writing without often being misinterpreted.
Best wishes for a happy holiday season

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JerichoX 11 年前

There are some folks whose views I can't agree with, but those folks I choose not to friend - and if they post something disagreeable to me on my profile, I delete it - not different from Facebook. But hey, you are free to have whoever you want for a friend. And I defend that right. In other words, I agree.

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DanielPortenio 11 年前

"What do you think about friends who have friends that are your adversary?"
It depends of the type of "adversary". If he/she does not attack our little community I don't think anything. There is at least one person in your list with whom I would prefer not to share a plane's seat. But I think that it would be crazy to complain to you about it.

There is some Racist, some woman who wouldn't get my mother approval, some not-so-sane person in my short list. They are people who at some moment showed something that I liked, I friended them and as far as they behave, they will stay in my list.

In short, only of aggressive-to-us people I would complain.

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fukthaworld88 11 年前

至 n2oral : well fucking said.

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