"RETIRED" The Big Red X Syndrome

"News: A person I liked opted to "resign," it hurts. She was a good friend, suddenly, unexpectedly gone. Hope she comes back but that's life in the big Habitat, I guess. It still hurts a bit. Words of wisdom?"

I'm so sorry to hear that. It's always difficult and somewhat a bit disturbing when someone we like ends up retired. Coming to terms with it often feels like our best friend has died, as harsh as that seems. There is not many of us who can simply "move on" without some sort of grieving process. This is all completely natural and normal. Due to our anonymity here it always comes as a shock to see that big red X with the words "retired" across a profile of someone we enjoyed...

With that being said there are several valid reasons behind ones "retirement".
It's possible that,

1) The beloved user simply needed a break.
a. Faced a bully, or several bullies. This is especially prevalent for the women of our site.
b. A boyfriend or girlfriend, husband, wife, or other family members intervened on the one that was "addicted to pornography".

2) The user was facing some sort of self righteous guilt over the enjoyment of content or attachment to another member.

3) They experienced bullying. One of the biggest reasons for retiring from XHamster.

4) It's possible that Support has suspended their account temporarily awaiting Moderation or an investigation into why their profile was "flagged" or "reported".
For those of you who don't know or who have thank fully not experienced it (I have three times so far), the system will automatically "RETIRE" you if a troll gets a few more trolls... 8 are required to report you to Support or flag out a piece of your content before it "auto" deletes your account. This is a simple fix and if you have friends that notice you are gone they will usually contact Support for you and request that your profile be re-instated. (This occurred for me this last 4th of July while I was out enjoying time with my family at the lake). So if you find yourself "auto" deleted/retired, immediately go to the bottom of the log in page ('Cause you won't be able to log in after this has happened) click on the Support option and let them know that your account has been deleted for no apparent reason. They are very good about getting it restored quickly, within hours or a day. So don't panic. (I have LOL) There is help for this kind of abuse. And sometimes Support will call it a "Server Issue", but we all know it was an outright attack on our Pro's.


#4 UPDATE 7/12/14[/i]


I have put it out there, to the xHam community, the whole #4 issue of "auto" deletion/retirement of profiles, so that maybe we can get some feedback from those who know for sure on this subject. So far I've gotten concern that the info given here could possibly be used by trolls as "how to" instructions. It is certainly possible. I was given another option on how trolls work the system causing profile deletions, but under the advice of another high profile user, I will not repeat it here. Understandably. I was also told that 8 report or flags are NOT required. Please forgive me while I sort this all out...

*ALERT. If you are a member/user of this site and have any other information on this topic please feel free to post it here and then you're welcome to delete the comment. I will still get it in my news feed. Or PM me. If I can present the info in a non-troll zone way then I will include it in this blog. If you comment then delete, or PM me I will know to keep your identity confidential. It is the integrity of this blog I am committed to adhering to .



5) They came across some big, bad bullies or attackers in comments on content, or to posts. Even a random PM can throw some users into "retirement".

The GOOD news is that all of these reasons for the dreaded big red X can be merely temporary. This person may choose to come back. I recommend that you not delete them from your friends list or subscription for at least 30 days giving them that time to recover their account and refresh their spirit.

I hope this helps...

I'd like to hear from my readers on this topic. Experiences, Advice. We've all been there, and know well how it feels. Will you please add your perspective to this all too fatal topic...

Sincerely,
SassyBri ~[/i][/b]






"Bri Thankyou for the thoughts on the big red x . I think we all have lost friends and favourite users to it But maybe worse is the hanging profile ? at least with the x you know somewhere a decision has been made ? whereas a Last activity nnnnn days ago starts the worries going .Take care XX Gaynor"

ANOTHER

" And then, NOTHING. I have not received another single response from them for what seems an eternity (it's been perhaps two weeks). I've written to ask what's up and so forth and still got no response. I soon began to realize that I was feeling quite needy and lost, and worse, I was acting like a needy, lost douche bag! This is completely unattractive, so I've decided to bite my tongue, or cross my fingers and wait. I keep wondering if it was me and what I may have conveyed to them, perhaps I became a little too exuberant. As a newbie to this sort of community (I have met up with couples before and had quite enjoyable, if non-conventional encounters) perhaps I got carried away with excitement, something a more seasoned participant know enough to avoid. I don't know, I just wish they would be kind enough to tell me--I think in future I will not wear my heart so prominently upon my sleeve. I thought for sure that I was old enough and had sufficient experience to if not avoid this sort of thing then to at least be able to handle it better. Sheesh, I feel like a young adolescent experiencing his first rebuff. Could you offer me some perspective on this SassiBri? Give it to me straight. Thanks for reading. Yours, lone_wolf_49"

One of the cruelest form of on-line abandonment is
"The Hanging Profile". There is no definitive closure. No goodbye. No rhyme, reason, or consideration as to why the communication failed. This makes us feel even worse than a suddenly retired profile. At least with a retirement there is reasonable explanation as to why our friend or acquaintance may have left. The raw wound one feels when seeing this type of friend disappear is visited over and over again when we go to the profile expecting to see another day has passed by without a word, only to see that they are on-line or even worse, have recently logged out knowing they must have seen your post, message or PM. WTF! How can this be? And what am I supposed to do with that? Well, let me tell you... Messaging again is really out of the question since you'll come off looking desperate. And well we ARE, damnit! This is life to us and a big chunk just up and walked away from it. What the fuck is up with people? How can they just go on and act as if nothing has happened? Well, it could be guilt that they ended the relationship without so much as a word. It could be they are trying to work through some situation without your helpful advice. They may have gotten bored and moved on... But most likely, it's because they have found someone else that isn't quite on board with all this XHamster stuff. So where do you go from here? You send one last message asking for some idea so that you can possibly improve yourself in that area... Then you pick yourself up and you move the fuck on. You suck it up. You stop feeling like shit and mend your wounded pride and bruised heart. Chances are this will only come with time and a few new friends to soothe the pain. Now, there are some that will say, "Are you out of your mind SassyBri? You're making too much of a big deal out of this whole thing." To them, I say, "Fuck you! Go click on another video!" 'Cause if you're not feeling me on this, and you really don't give a shit, you're just in it for the porn... so go masturbate! For the rest of us this is more than a porn site. It's our community, these are our friends. Our extended family so to speak... And most of us give a shit.

Another related topic I'd like to touch on is how to de-friend a friend without causing hurt feelings... You can't. So the best thing to do is give them a simple explanation and hit that box. No sense in hanging onto those that no longer fit your needs. I'll give you an example. The most common reason I have personally, is that I lose touch with that friend. I may go weeks without hearing from them. (Okay two weeks usually, at the most. The exception being a friend that meant so much to me but left me hangin'. Yes I'm human, too)There really is no other way to handle this delicate situation. If there is, I'd love to hear from you below...

Love, light, and happiness always... Oh, and some really good sex!
SassyBri ~