So...
It sucks knowing you'll always be lonely. I haven't been loved in over a decade. Not sex, but love. I always fall for people whom happen to be emotionally and physically unavailable just like my father. We choose people whom remind us of our parents. Because of my father I'm attracted to people who are emotionally/physically unavailable and because of my mother I'm attracted to people who are too critical and whom are verbally/physically abusive, also they were both whores.
So the mates I choose abuse me verbally and I'm never part of their life in any way. They're separation experts. Meaning they compartmentalize their life. They have people whom are their friends, their lovers, keep their family separate and the people they use. This might sound like everyone, what everyone does. However they turn this into an extreme where their friends/family/lovers/people used NEVER know each other... these people have no idea whom each other... and never will. It's like each person is a secret lover, even if the person doesn't happen to be a lover. It's all secret and separate.
So all a person whom I love does is use and abuse me. I don't fit their needs for sex/family/friend .... I'm just used... for their emotional/spiritual/financial needs. I'm always left on the outside this has been the case for over 10 years. I'm pretty sure one of my exes put a curse on me; no joke.
Because of this (and my abandonment issues) I push everyone away. And abandon people. Also because I was ****d I'm sexually broken, so it's REALLY difficult getting close to people on all levels. So instead of getting close to ANYONE I spiritually fuck A LOT of girls. Which I can do without ease. The number of women is a crazy amount. I won't even get into the details. This is the only love/intimacy that I know.
Sadly these are my statements after getting "better" from my hiatus from xhamster... I'm actually more broken than I was before I left. At least mentally/spiritually... physically I'm actually sexier...
Someone left me, is why I left here. When I get hurt I retreat. It's no excuse for abandoning, I'm just saying what happened. It's not like I got a girlfriend and just forgot about you guys or got bored or anything like that.
Sorry for leaving and being impossible to get to know.
<3<3
So the mates I choose abuse me verbally and I'm never part of their life in any way. They're separation experts. Meaning they compartmentalize their life. They have people whom are their friends, their lovers, keep their family separate and the people they use. This might sound like everyone, what everyone does. However they turn this into an extreme where their friends/family/lovers/people used NEVER know each other... these people have no idea whom each other... and never will. It's like each person is a secret lover, even if the person doesn't happen to be a lover. It's all secret and separate.
So all a person whom I love does is use and abuse me. I don't fit their needs for sex/family/friend .... I'm just used... for their emotional/spiritual/financial needs. I'm always left on the outside this has been the case for over 10 years. I'm pretty sure one of my exes put a curse on me; no joke.
Because of this (and my abandonment issues) I push everyone away. And abandon people. Also because I was ****d I'm sexually broken, so it's REALLY difficult getting close to people on all levels. So instead of getting close to ANYONE I spiritually fuck A LOT of girls. Which I can do without ease. The number of women is a crazy amount. I won't even get into the details. This is the only love/intimacy that I know.
Sadly these are my statements after getting "better" from my hiatus from xhamster... I'm actually more broken than I was before I left. At least mentally/spiritually... physically I'm actually sexier...
Someone left me, is why I left here. When I get hurt I retreat. It's no excuse for abandoning, I'm just saying what happened. It's not like I got a girlfriend and just forgot about you guys or got bored or anything like that.
Sorry for leaving and being impossible to get to know.
<3<3
11 年 前