Bisexuality in Hetero M-f SM: A double-standard

The Liesbian Bisexual Double-Standard (First draft)


One of the things that's bothered me from time to time me about the heterosexual SM world and the wider sexual world generally, is what I'll term as the "Lesbian Bisexual Double-Standard."

On every BDSMers check-list (see my blog on this if unfamiliar with this useful tool) there's an item typically entitled "f-o-r-c-e-d" (Xh doesn't like the "f" word) homosexuality," and for gays, "forced heterosexuality." It can be termed in different ways but the basic notion is that a partner is challenged, compelled (Xh doesn't like the "f" word) to engage in some same-gender sex or SM activity or both. But, why is that only "good" for the women and somehow not "good" for the man to do exactly the same thing?

Men should at least "try," is how I see it. Should I tell you about the scene when She had Us tie him up and he shot cum practically across the room? Maybe later.

I find this double-standard is especially bad in the on-line venues. It all seems sexist and even homophobic to me.

I think the construct goes something like this. Homosexuality is "weakness," and so if Big Mr. Dom can "force" his "little one" to lick pussy (generic) he's somehow further dominated her. OK, you can stop holding your breath and laugh now. Fellas, guess what? If your woman likes licking pussy it probably doesn't have much, or anything to do with you. You may have helped her open up to her bisexuality, that's good, I laud you for that. But, she's doing what she wants to do. If she didn't want it, it be an "off the list" item for her -- "has never done, does not want, will not do, give or receive ever, hard limit."

The assumption seem to be that somehow Big Mr. Dom is going to "force" his "little one" to lick someone's pussy. But ask that same Big Mr. Dom to engage in some same gender SM "play," let alone same gender sex, and he runs for the hills like the biggest chicken you've ever seen or maybe startts a bar fight over it. Why is he so petrified of doing what is, essentially, exactly the same thing he wants to "force" his partner to do?

So I ask you. Why is homosexuality considered "OK" for women but "not OK" for putatively heterosexual men? A lot of these Big Mr. Doms are deeply in the closet, too; some of them are wickedly homophobic and sexist on top of it.

I also think this attitude even extends to women in some cases where, for example, it's all hunky dory for her to be bisexual or bi-curious but not so for her male partner(s) to be.

I've always been one to encourage people, men and woman alike, to open up and explore their same gender interests with people they know and care. If you've even glanced at my profile you know some of my feelings about this.

It's so bad that even on the primary categories of the videos here on XHamster, "Lesbian" is included in the "straight" categories. Gay and Trasgendered sex videos have their own categories, but I guess lesbians are "straight" somehow. Go figure.

Also, on a somewhat related thread, why is it that's it's wonderful for men to watch Lesbian Porn but somehow "odd" for a lesbian woman to watch Pron with men? Sorry to just slug this in here but it's a first draft to I'm just letting it rip a bit. Anyway, more about this later, perhaps.

This are but a few words on a very deep topic. Comments, links to other blogs, articles, welcomed. .








11 年 前
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anthony_weston
anthony_weston 出版商 11 年 前
vertuila : One of the old motts is "SSC" standing for "Safe, Sane and Consensual." Now there are arguments to be made that no one can give "concent" to be, say, spanked (and that's one of the milder forms of things) so I tend to use "Risk aware" more because there is risk in this, mental and physical. If someone asks me, "should I get into BDSM," I usually tell them no. Know why? The people who really want it don't ask other people if they should get into it or not. They just do it. For me, I saw some magazins, it turned me on, I found the people, Flash-foward 26 years or so, here I am on Hamster. So, a lot of people just start in and usually end up sort of back-filling their way into figuring it out often with the help of good mentors.
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vertuila
vertuila 11 年 前
anthony_weston : Thanks, you're right, I get some weird emotional feedback from that dark experience, but I shouldn't project to the voluntary experiences of others. It is tough to know when to speak up and when to keep it zipped, sometimes. Thanks for your reply.
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anthony_weston
anthony_weston 出版商 11 年 前
vertuila : I'm so sorry to hear about that I hope that over the years you've managed to be healed from that terrible abuse. But I have to ask you this.. Do you think BDSM is "abuse" or "oppression?" If you do, you've got it all wrong but lets take that up in dialogue on the profiles. I'd rather keep comments more generally on topic.
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anthony_weston
anthony_weston 出版商 11 年 前
rodent1 : Yup, right on button as usual, Steve. I think that's very perceptive. Part of that is the steretype that says all homosexual or bisexual men are going to be, automatically, effeminate and nothing could be further fro the truth. Some men are more effeminate but, honestly, the vast majority of gay and bi men are not. I've had a lot of sex with men and, if one understands it, there's probably nothing more overtly "masculine" form one stand-point than homosexual male-male sex. Maybe I should put up some photos from the Stonewall riots. Thanks very much for the comment. I'm sure there's more to say here but I'll keep it brief for now.
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rodent1
rodent1 11 年 前
"Why is homosexuality considered 'OK' for women but 'not OK' for putatively heterosexual men?"

Might it be that two women exploring their boundaries in a sapphic scenario are still considered feminine, whereas two men in the mirror situation are likely to find their masculinity called into question?
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vertuila
vertuila 11 年 前
I am not well versed in the world of human sexuality, but I like when there's less oppression, rather than more, even when the oppression is eagerly accepted by recipient. As the victim of childhood sexual abuse, I was sternly cautioned by the offending part about all the havoc and heartbreak that would be unleashed if I came forward with the truth. My grim childhood experiences may be irrelavent to this topic, but I want to curl up and die when I see grown adults begging to be sexually abused.
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