When Regret and Curiosity push limits of restraint

I have had only one chance so far to have a gay experience. It began after the last call, My best friend Charles had ran out of cocaine and wanted to continue partying. He asked to try some of the methamphetamine I had but didnt want others to know about it to avoid judgement. Once we made it to my house and finished off the last of it, we sat for hours on my porch talking about random subjects. The topics almost suddenly turned a bit sexual then escalated into Charles confessing of how he recently enjoyed mutual masturbation and that has turned into him and his cousin John sucking each other off when comes into town. The rush of lustful urges combined with alcohol and d**g consumption pushed all inhibitions aside and we shared every fantasy we had. I felt my mind melt as he asked if I would like to fool around and before I could answer he asked if he could give me atleast give me a blowjob. I offered to suck him first in complete wild abandon I pulled his dick out and after having the sensation of the tip against my lips I was enjoying it so much when the taste of his cock reach my tongue I scared myself out of the trance and gave a bullshit excuse. Watching him as he jerked his cock and see his cum shoot out of his cock onto his shirt and pants was the nail in the coffin and ever since I have been struggling to sate the craving that the taste his cock left in my mouth.