Are “Exploited” Porn Stars & Sex Workers Happy
The following is my answer to the above question, which appeared on the question and answer website, Quora.
As there is a great deal of focus being placed on negative aspects within the porn industry, I feel like there should be at least a bit of a positive counterbalance presented, especially where I don't necessarily agree with much of what has been said in the other answers which have been offered by my fellow users.
It is my strong belief that anyone who gets involved with sex work for the right reasons, or in other words, because their choice is reflective of their true ambitions, and not a result of any form of coercion, or sense of desperation, can certainly enjoy a very happy, healthy, and fulfilling career. And do so while working at a job they find to be positively challenging, rewarding, and something they truly love doing.
In order to make this possible, it is essential for every performer to have clearly defined limits, or personal boundaries. Equally important however, is having the backbone required to speak up and maintain those limits anytime they are challenged.. In any manner, and by anyone.
Personally speaking, sex work has proven to be the perfect career for me. I seriously doubt I could ever find a job I enjoy as much. I believe that in order to convey a sense of sincerity, and really ‘sell’ a scene, or provide a client with an experience which is truly memorable, a sex worker must, at a minimum, "like" her job.
I’ve said it before… I truly believe that there is a universal key to staying happy when working in any facet of the sex industry…
Never do anything you don’t want to do, or with which you're not totally comfortable. Regardless of added compensation, or your perceived importance of the role being offered. This is the only way one can expect to avoid feelings of exploitation. In the end, they’re only offering you a little extra money. Few things are more temporary or insignificant. Your career could potentially span decades. Those decades can either be happy or they can be miserable. It’s your choice.
Only if you possess the strength to say no to roles which require you to go beyond your personal boundaries and to clients who continuously push the limits of those same boundaries, will you enjoy a life in sex work. One's happiness, and sense of personal integrity represent a far more meaningful and lasting reward than a small pittance of money ever will.
If you are a person who disagrees with my last statement, then I'm sorry, but sex work probably isn't a good fit for you. I say that because individuals who value financial gain over their own happiness and integrity are normally willing to extend themselves, often well beyond their comfort zone anytime an opportunity to earn some extra money arises. While this may seem manageable at first, it rarely remains that way.
Once clients or directors realize a sex worker is open to performing sex acts which are extreme or demeaning in nature, they will keep upping the ante... Knowing if you refuse, they'll be able to convince you to overlook your concerns, simply by raising the amount of compensation you will receive. It becomes a game of ever-increasing demands, which all too-often ends once a girl feels overwhelmed, burnt-out and exploited. Many girls who hit this low point, simply walk away from sex work... ending what may have been a long, satisfying career.
Directors may threaten you, saying ‘It’s this, or nothing!’, but if you’re good at what you do, and have any sort of following, there will be other roles. You will definitely lose some undesirable clients. However, isn't losing a bit of work and a little money a small price to pay, for something as valuable as staying true to your values? I firmly believe that many of the inexcusable acts of exploitation which have occurred in adult film could have been avoided, had the individuals who feel they were exploited, had have just spoke up and refused to cooperate.
I realize what I’m saying is much easier said than done, and that many exploitative situations also feature an element of threatening intimidation, but it is truly so important to stand up against these monsters who have a record of repeatedly exploiting sex workers... Because, I truly feel that sex workers speaking up, and refusing to allow any form of exploitation to occur, represents the best shot we have at eliminating this heinous behaviour completely.
Please remember, as I mentioned previously, I am not speaking to any individual who faced coercion, only to those who's actions were completely of their own free will.
Nothing is more important than your happiness and self worth, especially when your job is as personal and intimate as sex work. I feel truly blessed that I have been able to enjoy the success I have, without losing myself in the process, or feeling I had no other choice, but to turn my back on the personal values which I view as important, and which comprise a large part of who I am as a person..
Anytime I'm feeling a little down, like in the extremely rare case I've had a difficult client, I just try and remember how lucky I am. I have an amazing life, and an incredible support group, consisting of many close friends and my family. Another essential element in my uncommon level of contentment with my career, is the fact that whether I’m shooting a scene, making a client’s sexual fantasies a reality, or both, I’m not there just for the money… I’m also there because I love my work, I love the intimacy, and because I love pleasing others. Putting a smile on a face where there had previously been a frown, gives me a bigger rush than any d**g ever could.
Sex work is also not a career one should enter when viewed as a last option. Desperation is one of the worst reasons for entering sex work but unfortunately, is the most common. If you’re in sex work simply because you desperately need the money, you’d be better off maintaining your dignity and living on the streets. However, if you’re like me, and you’re in sex work simply because you were born for sex work… There truly is no better job.
I realize such words are not normally used by an independent escort’s critique of her employment situation, but precious few are ever given the opportunity to work in a field for which they feel they are a perfect fit. The fact I've also been able to fulfill another long-time personal ambition, in becoming a successful, self-made amateur porn star, is icing on the cake. I don't know if I will ever become accustomed to the surreal feeling which comes having tens-of-thousands of fans and admirers located the world over, but I'll do my best... and I'm definitely not complaining!
Life has turned out to be much more than I could have ever envisioned fifteen years ago. While I have many great memories from the ten years I served in the Air Force, I have never once regretted my decision to leave. My release allowed me to follow my rather uncommon dreams. For this reason alone, I feel it was the best decision that I have ever made.
I’d be lying if I were to tell you that I don’t enjoy the sex I have with my clients. Yes, it’s work… but really only in the way that I’m being financially compensated. As far as seeing it as something which is ‘hard’, or something I’d rather not be doing? Not in the least… Feelings like that are reserved for ‘real jobs’.
I know that I am in the minority when it comes to the level of enjoyment I receive from my work, but I am admittedly a sex addict... A sex addict, living free of any of the usual negative feelings or connotation most associate with such a categorization.
Still, I’m a far cry from the ‘dirtiest’ girl around. My list of things I refuse to do in films and with my clients is longer than most. I'm definitely not what most would consider kinky, and being completely honest, I am the most vanilla sex worker I know.
The fact I am still excited about my choice to become an escort and amateur performer, is something which can be attributed much more to the things I haven’t done, than to those which I have. When I started escorting over six years ago, I set hard guidelines for myself. A major component of those guidelines, was to restrict particular sex acts which I consider demeaning to women. I also promised myself to never agree to see any client with whom I was not 100% comfortable.
…and I can proudly state that, at least up until this point, I have not broken that promise.
I’m a firm believer that many girls start out in sex work for the right reasons, and are at least initially happy with their career choice. The unfortunate pitfalls of self loathing and regret over their choices, usually begin to develop not long after. Outdated societal stereotypes are directly responsible for destroying the psyche of more sex workers than most are aware. Add to that, the unwanted pressure to preform acts which lie outside of a girl's comfort zone from clients or producers... prove to be more than a girl can handle, causing many sex workers to break. The individuals perpetrating this negativity often just push and push... and their pressure can be relentless.
This pressure causes many girls to give up, and give in… Either a direct result of caving under the intense pressure, or because they were offered more money than they could refuse. This can cause girls to grow resentful and harbour feelings of disdain for both their clients and their work, a process which can sometimes manifest into feelings of exploitation. I know that it isn’t always avoidable but as I previously mentioned, in situations where a girl is free to exercise free will, and she refuses to allow herself to be exploited… She cannot be exploited. It's really that simple.
Most guys know that I can’t be bought, so they don’t even try. I’ve had a client lay $7,500 out on a table in front of me, and tell me that if I would simply overlook my requirement for him to wear a condom during sex, all of it was mine.
He made my decision very simple…
Who in the hell did he think he was?
How unfair is it to put anyone in a position like that?
I was enraged. I swept the money onto the floor and stormed out of the room. Once he realized I wasn’t fooling around, he came running after me, but was unable to reach the elevator in time. As the doors closed, I saw defeat and desperation in his eyes. I felt stronger, and more at peace during that moment than at any other point in my life. Because at that very second, I knew just how strong my resolve actually could be, and that I was going to be okay… No matter what I might have thrown my way.
It drives me crazy anytime I hear the phrase, "selling your body". Even feminists spout this nonsensical notion. I mean, what sex worker has ever not left a call with her body? I suppose you could say that we rent access to our bodies, much like an amusement park grants it's patrons access to it grounds and facilities. However, to somehow imply that we sell anything more than our time and services is nothing more than sensationalized rhetoric... Rhetoric which carries a dangerous message...
Anytime a person straight-out sells you something, it becomes yours and you're basically free to treat it any way you wish. However, anytime you rent something, or hire someone to perform a service for you, there are rules pertaining to the use of that item, or the manner in which you treat a person performing a service. It may seem like only words, but words help form our perception of different situations. Sex work is dangerous enough, so let's try and move away from the notion that sex work involves the sale of anything but our time... because it certainly does not.
To me, my work is more of a passion than a job… and the responsibility to ensure that it stays that way, lies completely in my hands, as it does with all sex workers lucky enough to have total control over every decision she must make.
Sorry for getting a bit ranty there, but those who read my posts know I write off-the-cuff, conveying whatever comes into my head. I suppose I would compare my approach to writing, to the manner in which I approach sex work…
I like to keep things genuine.
Getting back to the current environment within the adult industry...
You can blame the industry for applying pressure in the many ways they do if you wish, but please try to remember...
It’s worked a million times before.
Of course they will try to push performers beyond their limits to get what they want, The industry has always been controlled by a male dominated hierarchy, built on a foundation of pure misogyny. Those in control will fight as long as they're able to repel any sort of meaningful change.
A c***d in a store exploits a parent's embarrassment by applying pressure on the parent by throwing a tantrum, in the hope that the parent will offer a toy in return for their silence. We regularly refer to parents who succumb to such tactics as ‘weak’, or say they are ‘ruining the c***d’.
Who knows? Maybe that c***d will grow up to be an adult film director.
Most of us master the fine art of exploitation very young. If however, the attempts to exploit are never rewarded, a c***d will view them as being fruitless, and eventually abandon them altogether. In today's adult industry, those in control are essentially the screaming c***d, while performers unfortunately find themselves relegated to the more difficult role of the parent. Therefore, this places the burden of driving change, firmly in the hands of performers.
In any other industry, this certainly would not be the case. Government regulations would be in place to protect performers, and there would be a rigid legal framework to deal with those accused of abuse and exploitation. But, because the adult industry dances on the thin line which exists between the free and black markets, and is so entwined with the touchy subject of morality, governments tend to shy away from applying any sort of regulatory control over the manner in which the adult industry conducts its business, preferring to basically ignore its very existence.
I realize that this is an opinion which is not popular with many people. That doesn't mean I’m not correct. Actresses, and actors who are exploited in adult film, are much like the parents who give into their screaming c***d, ultimately reinforcing his terrible behaviour with a new toy.
They're weak.
Maybe it's time to be a little less politically-correct.
Maybe it's time to be honest, and try calling things for what they truly are.
These ‘exploited’ performers are ‘trapped’ in an imaginary prison, which is nothing more than a manifestation of their own personal greed, overinflated ego, and fear of change. Many who claim they were ‘victimized’ by the porn industry, are actually only victims of their own personal shortcomings, and failure to speak up.
Not until these individuals open their eyes, own the role they played in their own exploitation and finally learn to stand up and say no… will the age-old practice of performer exploitation ever come to an end.
Please remember: My answer applies only to performers who entered the industry, and make decisions of their own free will, and not to any sex worker who faced coercion to either enter the adult industry, or to perform any sexual act against their will. In no way is my opinion directed toward the victims of true coercion, blackmail, trafficking, **** or any other deplorable method used to force an individual to perform against their will.
Those tremendously unfortunate souls have nothing but my deepest respect, as well as my hope that one day, they will find themselves at a point where their heart and soul can once again feel true peace and love... in a place that truly feels like home.
As there is a great deal of focus being placed on negative aspects within the porn industry, I feel like there should be at least a bit of a positive counterbalance presented, especially where I don't necessarily agree with much of what has been said in the other answers which have been offered by my fellow users.
It is my strong belief that anyone who gets involved with sex work for the right reasons, or in other words, because their choice is reflective of their true ambitions, and not a result of any form of coercion, or sense of desperation, can certainly enjoy a very happy, healthy, and fulfilling career. And do so while working at a job they find to be positively challenging, rewarding, and something they truly love doing.
In order to make this possible, it is essential for every performer to have clearly defined limits, or personal boundaries. Equally important however, is having the backbone required to speak up and maintain those limits anytime they are challenged.. In any manner, and by anyone.
Personally speaking, sex work has proven to be the perfect career for me. I seriously doubt I could ever find a job I enjoy as much. I believe that in order to convey a sense of sincerity, and really ‘sell’ a scene, or provide a client with an experience which is truly memorable, a sex worker must, at a minimum, "like" her job.
I’ve said it before… I truly believe that there is a universal key to staying happy when working in any facet of the sex industry…
Never do anything you don’t want to do, or with which you're not totally comfortable. Regardless of added compensation, or your perceived importance of the role being offered. This is the only way one can expect to avoid feelings of exploitation. In the end, they’re only offering you a little extra money. Few things are more temporary or insignificant. Your career could potentially span decades. Those decades can either be happy or they can be miserable. It’s your choice.
Only if you possess the strength to say no to roles which require you to go beyond your personal boundaries and to clients who continuously push the limits of those same boundaries, will you enjoy a life in sex work. One's happiness, and sense of personal integrity represent a far more meaningful and lasting reward than a small pittance of money ever will.
If you are a person who disagrees with my last statement, then I'm sorry, but sex work probably isn't a good fit for you. I say that because individuals who value financial gain over their own happiness and integrity are normally willing to extend themselves, often well beyond their comfort zone anytime an opportunity to earn some extra money arises. While this may seem manageable at first, it rarely remains that way.
Once clients or directors realize a sex worker is open to performing sex acts which are extreme or demeaning in nature, they will keep upping the ante... Knowing if you refuse, they'll be able to convince you to overlook your concerns, simply by raising the amount of compensation you will receive. It becomes a game of ever-increasing demands, which all too-often ends once a girl feels overwhelmed, burnt-out and exploited. Many girls who hit this low point, simply walk away from sex work... ending what may have been a long, satisfying career.
Directors may threaten you, saying ‘It’s this, or nothing!’, but if you’re good at what you do, and have any sort of following, there will be other roles. You will definitely lose some undesirable clients. However, isn't losing a bit of work and a little money a small price to pay, for something as valuable as staying true to your values? I firmly believe that many of the inexcusable acts of exploitation which have occurred in adult film could have been avoided, had the individuals who feel they were exploited, had have just spoke up and refused to cooperate.
I realize what I’m saying is much easier said than done, and that many exploitative situations also feature an element of threatening intimidation, but it is truly so important to stand up against these monsters who have a record of repeatedly exploiting sex workers... Because, I truly feel that sex workers speaking up, and refusing to allow any form of exploitation to occur, represents the best shot we have at eliminating this heinous behaviour completely.
Please remember, as I mentioned previously, I am not speaking to any individual who faced coercion, only to those who's actions were completely of their own free will.
Nothing is more important than your happiness and self worth, especially when your job is as personal and intimate as sex work. I feel truly blessed that I have been able to enjoy the success I have, without losing myself in the process, or feeling I had no other choice, but to turn my back on the personal values which I view as important, and which comprise a large part of who I am as a person..
Anytime I'm feeling a little down, like in the extremely rare case I've had a difficult client, I just try and remember how lucky I am. I have an amazing life, and an incredible support group, consisting of many close friends and my family. Another essential element in my uncommon level of contentment with my career, is the fact that whether I’m shooting a scene, making a client’s sexual fantasies a reality, or both, I’m not there just for the money… I’m also there because I love my work, I love the intimacy, and because I love pleasing others. Putting a smile on a face where there had previously been a frown, gives me a bigger rush than any d**g ever could.
Sex work is also not a career one should enter when viewed as a last option. Desperation is one of the worst reasons for entering sex work but unfortunately, is the most common. If you’re in sex work simply because you desperately need the money, you’d be better off maintaining your dignity and living on the streets. However, if you’re like me, and you’re in sex work simply because you were born for sex work… There truly is no better job.
I realize such words are not normally used by an independent escort’s critique of her employment situation, but precious few are ever given the opportunity to work in a field for which they feel they are a perfect fit. The fact I've also been able to fulfill another long-time personal ambition, in becoming a successful, self-made amateur porn star, is icing on the cake. I don't know if I will ever become accustomed to the surreal feeling which comes having tens-of-thousands of fans and admirers located the world over, but I'll do my best... and I'm definitely not complaining!
Life has turned out to be much more than I could have ever envisioned fifteen years ago. While I have many great memories from the ten years I served in the Air Force, I have never once regretted my decision to leave. My release allowed me to follow my rather uncommon dreams. For this reason alone, I feel it was the best decision that I have ever made.
I’d be lying if I were to tell you that I don’t enjoy the sex I have with my clients. Yes, it’s work… but really only in the way that I’m being financially compensated. As far as seeing it as something which is ‘hard’, or something I’d rather not be doing? Not in the least… Feelings like that are reserved for ‘real jobs’.
I know that I am in the minority when it comes to the level of enjoyment I receive from my work, but I am admittedly a sex addict... A sex addict, living free of any of the usual negative feelings or connotation most associate with such a categorization.
Still, I’m a far cry from the ‘dirtiest’ girl around. My list of things I refuse to do in films and with my clients is longer than most. I'm definitely not what most would consider kinky, and being completely honest, I am the most vanilla sex worker I know.
The fact I am still excited about my choice to become an escort and amateur performer, is something which can be attributed much more to the things I haven’t done, than to those which I have. When I started escorting over six years ago, I set hard guidelines for myself. A major component of those guidelines, was to restrict particular sex acts which I consider demeaning to women. I also promised myself to never agree to see any client with whom I was not 100% comfortable.
…and I can proudly state that, at least up until this point, I have not broken that promise.
I’m a firm believer that many girls start out in sex work for the right reasons, and are at least initially happy with their career choice. The unfortunate pitfalls of self loathing and regret over their choices, usually begin to develop not long after. Outdated societal stereotypes are directly responsible for destroying the psyche of more sex workers than most are aware. Add to that, the unwanted pressure to preform acts which lie outside of a girl's comfort zone from clients or producers... prove to be more than a girl can handle, causing many sex workers to break. The individuals perpetrating this negativity often just push and push... and their pressure can be relentless.
This pressure causes many girls to give up, and give in… Either a direct result of caving under the intense pressure, or because they were offered more money than they could refuse. This can cause girls to grow resentful and harbour feelings of disdain for both their clients and their work, a process which can sometimes manifest into feelings of exploitation. I know that it isn’t always avoidable but as I previously mentioned, in situations where a girl is free to exercise free will, and she refuses to allow herself to be exploited… She cannot be exploited. It's really that simple.
Most guys know that I can’t be bought, so they don’t even try. I’ve had a client lay $7,500 out on a table in front of me, and tell me that if I would simply overlook my requirement for him to wear a condom during sex, all of it was mine.
He made my decision very simple…
Who in the hell did he think he was?
How unfair is it to put anyone in a position like that?
I was enraged. I swept the money onto the floor and stormed out of the room. Once he realized I wasn’t fooling around, he came running after me, but was unable to reach the elevator in time. As the doors closed, I saw defeat and desperation in his eyes. I felt stronger, and more at peace during that moment than at any other point in my life. Because at that very second, I knew just how strong my resolve actually could be, and that I was going to be okay… No matter what I might have thrown my way.
It drives me crazy anytime I hear the phrase, "selling your body". Even feminists spout this nonsensical notion. I mean, what sex worker has ever not left a call with her body? I suppose you could say that we rent access to our bodies, much like an amusement park grants it's patrons access to it grounds and facilities. However, to somehow imply that we sell anything more than our time and services is nothing more than sensationalized rhetoric... Rhetoric which carries a dangerous message...
Anytime a person straight-out sells you something, it becomes yours and you're basically free to treat it any way you wish. However, anytime you rent something, or hire someone to perform a service for you, there are rules pertaining to the use of that item, or the manner in which you treat a person performing a service. It may seem like only words, but words help form our perception of different situations. Sex work is dangerous enough, so let's try and move away from the notion that sex work involves the sale of anything but our time... because it certainly does not.
To me, my work is more of a passion than a job… and the responsibility to ensure that it stays that way, lies completely in my hands, as it does with all sex workers lucky enough to have total control over every decision she must make.
Sorry for getting a bit ranty there, but those who read my posts know I write off-the-cuff, conveying whatever comes into my head. I suppose I would compare my approach to writing, to the manner in which I approach sex work…
I like to keep things genuine.
Getting back to the current environment within the adult industry...
You can blame the industry for applying pressure in the many ways they do if you wish, but please try to remember...
It’s worked a million times before.
Of course they will try to push performers beyond their limits to get what they want, The industry has always been controlled by a male dominated hierarchy, built on a foundation of pure misogyny. Those in control will fight as long as they're able to repel any sort of meaningful change.
A c***d in a store exploits a parent's embarrassment by applying pressure on the parent by throwing a tantrum, in the hope that the parent will offer a toy in return for their silence. We regularly refer to parents who succumb to such tactics as ‘weak’, or say they are ‘ruining the c***d’.
Who knows? Maybe that c***d will grow up to be an adult film director.
Most of us master the fine art of exploitation very young. If however, the attempts to exploit are never rewarded, a c***d will view them as being fruitless, and eventually abandon them altogether. In today's adult industry, those in control are essentially the screaming c***d, while performers unfortunately find themselves relegated to the more difficult role of the parent. Therefore, this places the burden of driving change, firmly in the hands of performers.
In any other industry, this certainly would not be the case. Government regulations would be in place to protect performers, and there would be a rigid legal framework to deal with those accused of abuse and exploitation. But, because the adult industry dances on the thin line which exists between the free and black markets, and is so entwined with the touchy subject of morality, governments tend to shy away from applying any sort of regulatory control over the manner in which the adult industry conducts its business, preferring to basically ignore its very existence.
I realize that this is an opinion which is not popular with many people. That doesn't mean I’m not correct. Actresses, and actors who are exploited in adult film, are much like the parents who give into their screaming c***d, ultimately reinforcing his terrible behaviour with a new toy.
They're weak.
Maybe it's time to be a little less politically-correct.
Maybe it's time to be honest, and try calling things for what they truly are.
These ‘exploited’ performers are ‘trapped’ in an imaginary prison, which is nothing more than a manifestation of their own personal greed, overinflated ego, and fear of change. Many who claim they were ‘victimized’ by the porn industry, are actually only victims of their own personal shortcomings, and failure to speak up.
Not until these individuals open their eyes, own the role they played in their own exploitation and finally learn to stand up and say no… will the age-old practice of performer exploitation ever come to an end.
Please remember: My answer applies only to performers who entered the industry, and make decisions of their own free will, and not to any sex worker who faced coercion to either enter the adult industry, or to perform any sexual act against their will. In no way is my opinion directed toward the victims of true coercion, blackmail, trafficking, **** or any other deplorable method used to force an individual to perform against their will.
Those tremendously unfortunate souls have nothing but my deepest respect, as well as my hope that one day, they will find themselves at a point where their heart and soul can once again feel true peace and love... in a place that truly feels like home.
6 年 前
