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**Guilt Trip, Destination Unknown**
*What would you do with me?*
Drop me a line, I'm friendly! Love chatting with all sorts of folks and adore feedback, so lemme know if you've enjoyed my posts or if you have suggestions for new content I can make to gratify you! Brightens my day to think I can do something in my little corner of the world to bring pleasure to my dear (or fleeting) fiendish friends, admirers and accomplices across the wide web. It's fun hearing all about your likes and especially your cruel and devilish ideas for equipment and tortures!

I'd always felt an affinity for BDSM but up until a few years ago never had the courage to give it a try (and still have only done solo play -- upon which many of you cast aspersions). I love (sane) sadistic porn and have been having a good time making little vids & pics for you all to enjoy (and I hope you have)! But I've been feeling guilty lately. A bit ashamed of being, other than a few uploads of my own here & there, pretty much just a porn consumer, furiously pleasuring myself while watching fit boys like me being mastered and tormented. I can't explain why, but it's started to gnaw on my conscience. It's not as if I feel wrong for objectifying and relishing the suffering of other boys, but I do start to feel a bit like a freeloader and not pulling my weight. What I see in the mirror is every bit as athletic, skinny, smooth etc. as what I (and I suspect many of you) like to see squirming and shrieking on the screen. Why am I different? What have I done not to deserve the same treatment?

And who am I even to decide this issue? Should it matter what I think I am or I deserve? Or rather, should YOU be the one to decide? Have YOU been wrongfully denied your due?

And so, on top of guilt, I've also been wracked with a gnawing, terrifying curiosity. I'm fascinated by human psychology. Specifically yours. I want to know what you think of this (should-be) human toy, and what you think of what should happen to it, of how it deserves to be treated. Sounds pretty foolish and naive, right? Could get myself into quite a pickle...

So that's why I've come to this juncture: I'm starting to think I owe the world some community service, and so I've started posting little scenes of my self-exploration for you all to enjoy (and I hope you do!). But deep inside I worry solo play will provide only a temporarily salve to my strange guilty feeling. My conscience and curiosity have gotten the better of me, and who knows, some day they may even overcome my lack of courage, and I'll relent present myself for service to one of you folks that have ever-so-politely pursued me these past years, even though I'm pretty sure I will not like it at all (at least until I get to watch the vid later... yay type 2 fun!). Perhaps I've been delinquent in doing my part for the world. If you would have enjoyed my service, it troubles me that I may have wronged you by denying you a toy.

So, shall we begin? What cruel plans do you have for my boynatomy? To pervert the words of the spiritual, what would you do with "my whole world in your hands"? I can't seem to objectify my own body and my, um... 'assets' like I can those of the boys in pornland. But I'm guessing you won't have the same difficulty! Can't wait to hear you reveal the ordeals to which you'd make this object the subject.

You can see in my vids & pics that I've collected a few toys and had a bit of fun sharing my experimentation with you. But I'm pretty much a total rookie when it comes to doing any of this stuff with other people. If I ever work up the courage, I hope folks find it hot if this sprout delivers a little 'nervous service' at first! So in some of your minds I'm told I'm pretty much a total neophyte. Bondage virgin. Still yet to provide my first true (heh) enter*pain*ment.

Certainly I'm no painiac. But I realize the deal here is that you'll want to, er, "assert the hurt" on what I've got. No saints among sadists, eh?

Another catalogue of my timid adventures thus far:
https://bdsmlr.com/blog/boydungeonaut

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Likes & Dislikes:
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As you might expect from someone motivated by guilt and curiosity, it's all about the activities bringing you the greatest amusement, gratification, pleasure. I'll be your precocious little pain pupil. Remember, I'm a hypocrite who's been gobbling up the porn and acting like he doesn't have to earn it and doesn't need to take one for the team like the brave guys that probably are just like him in the grand scheme of things. I'm remorseful and in deep moral debt and let's pretend making it up to YOU will be my penance and catharsis?

But, if for some reason you truly care what I think (aww, thanks!):
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**Turn-ons**: Well, not really having actually DONE anything other than my little self-play, I'm not really sure, to tell the truth... This is going to have to be sort of a guess. So, with the caveat that I may actually end up supremely hating any of these activities when they are actually happening to *me* in person, here's what turns me on *when I'm watching it in porn* (nervous giggle):

*CBT* ...at least for watching it really turns me on... I'll admit to being a big cautious in my self play. I mean, like whenever i'd play sports and get like accidentally hit in the balls i'm writhing & down for the count. I'm sort of impressed really that folks can stand to suffer that!

*electro* ... I guess that's not the greatest stuff for a newbie but its what I usually go for when I'm fapping at home, so I imagine its what other folks want to see too. God its hot to see 'em squirm and twitch!

*Restraints* I love seeing boys tightly restrained. Do you? Especially when their boyhood or boyhole is exposed and vulnerable and there's nothing they can do about it.

*Contrasts* I also really am turned on by juxtaposition of slave in distress and YOU in ecstasy. I do like making you happy. Very much so.

*Games and wagers* I have fantasies (gasp) about boys forced to play cruel games. Especially involving games of chance like dice/card/wheel-spinner games. Like:
- Put toys in boxes. Sub has to pick one (not knowing what's inside, of course) and you use that toy on boy any way you likes.
- Make a list of ten or so 'activities' and then play 21 or poker or flip coins. When boy wins he gets to cross one off the list. When you wins you gets to do that activity to boy.
- During an activity, hold a ball in one hand and shuffle behind the back, then make boy pick a hand. If he picks the one without the ball, nothing happens, repeat the game. When he picks one with the ball...
- Write down ten or so 'activities' and assign each a number. Do not tell boy the activities. Then take ten or so numbered cards from a deck. Make boy pick one. Tell him the activity he has picked. If boy does not want the corresponding activity, he must pick two cards (double or nothing), then repeat for each of those two cards. When the deck runs out of cards, boy is stuck with the torments he has 'picked'.

*Ingenious implements, Devious devices, Resourceful restraints* Don't you just love surprising a boy with something new? And that epiphany of pain or panic that's reflected in the sudden expression across his face as he discovers how it works...

*Interactivity* My dream you is talkative and interactive, with a bit of a devious streak. You don't seem like you're just running through a script or playbook but rather really adapting, reacting and using your sub, playing with it like a cat with a mouse.

*Clever stuff* -- love watching trickery and surprise where the sub boy finds itself in a real conundrum.

*Predicament* The porn that turns me on most to watch is predicament bondage (where the poor slave is going to suffer one way or the other and can only choose between two cruel options). I really like stuff where the sub can't avoid tormenting himself -- like a sound-activated electro shock device.

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Turn-offs: Again, this is colored by my lack of experience, so I'm sure there are other things I don't like, but basically what I can think of now that has never turned me on: Poop, urine, blood, putting stuff in or near anybody's mouth that has been in or near anybody's ass. Knives. Oh, and since we're (I can hardly believe it) talking about doing things to the body I'm likely to be stuck with for a few decades more, I'd prefer not to do anything that wouldn't be all better by a few days down the line, or that would raise odd questions at work. I.e. little bruises ok, more permanent or noticeable injury... sorry, not so much.

Some of the stuff I like, esp. like cbt and electro looks so intense I totally have my doubts that I could take anywhere near enough to keep the boss happy. But I figure if that's what you want I'll at least give it a go -- since I like watching it happen to other boys it's sort of hypocritical to object just because I happen to be the one tied up.

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Biometrics:
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White (pretty pale, freckles -- I turn a nice rosy red with the right treatment =) )
Athletic/skinny
6 feet tall
6 inches... on a good day = )
170 lb
Black hair
Hazel Eyes
Little body hair -- and can be less if you'd like...

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A parting poem:
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If you have read this far I figure you must be like a literature junkie or something (plus have a VERY un-21st century attention span -- impressive & congrats to you!)

Rookie boy owes recompense
to you for his selfish offense.

What games would you make this boy play,
to gratify your needs today?
What wager would he have to make,
what risks will you demand he take?

What consequences should he lose,
will he dread and fear you choose?
What regions of anatomy,
in torture will you wish to see?

What devilish predicament
can you concoct for his torment?
And through the tutelage of pain,
what stinging truths will you explain?

Can you force this sprout to see,
what his role on earth should be?