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[attention xhamster members:
due to the fact I only use a cheap ass cellphone and use up my high-speed quickly watching members vids (wink wink) I usually stay logged on cuz it's a bitch to log back on without it...
and now back to our regularly scheduled profile]

"People had a habit of looking at me as if I were a mirror instead of a person. They didn't see me, they saw their own lewd thoughts, then they white-masked themselves by calling me the lewd one."

-Marilyn Monroe

"The penis does not obey his master's command when his master wants to have an erection, but it erects itself free and easy during his master's sleep.
The penis almost seems to have it's own brain."

-Leonardo de Vinci

"Would this be a world without pain
if only Abel slew Cain?"

-Monolito

[May 1st 2018 12:31pm]
"Dad. You really got to stop letting your hair down. You are making all the girls crazy. You say you're celibate? It's not going to happen."
(my 35yr old daughter just said that to me)

[June 21st. 2018 1:40am]
Me and my daughter had an extended conversation. She explained her friends all think I'm hot but I intimidate their men when I walk into the room. Apparently I scare the shit out of them. I apologized. Didn't realize young men today are... Pansies
We came to an understanding...
"Dad? Don't scare the fuck out of them."
(who knew?)

[August 1st 2018]
Yesterday I had a check up with my regular practitioner. She was amazed at my physical condition, blood work shows massive improvement. She was jaw dropping impressed. We talked extensively about the power of positive thinking. I made her a believer. But what I didn't tell her is the constant state of exhaustion I feel. I was told I was dying, still am, but I set my goal to live beyond the average mortality rate. I have passed that. I had to. I have outlived everyone who told me NO. I'm looking out the window, smelling the breeze, and for the first time I wonder if it's worth it. I am so very tired. Mind over Body. It's as if I'm cheating death but he's to my left smiling, watching and waiting, laughing at all my efforts. I want to go the distance. Live beyond the norm, but I feel as if there's a vacuum I leave behind me. A debt I have to pay. I feel so tired. I want to go home.

My interests very widely. I basically have an open mind to sexuality. I love bbw, old and young, mother-son father-daughter role play, amateur over professional, flashing, exhibitionism, real housewives, amateur teen lesbianism. Basically anything real that is done for true fun rather than a paycheck. There's a difference.
What really gets my juices flowing is real gloryhole wives having naughty fun at adult bookstores and theaters. Multi-Orgasmic Mary, she's in my favs, though retired from making amateur video is a pioneer. I still spend the occational evening stroking to her gloryhole vids for hours until I am absolutely spent. It's not staged, it's the real deal. My absolute favorite is Charlee that I have in my favorites. Charlee's Gloryhole Adventures is my all time favorite but also a lesson for others sadly when, as I've read online, they had to close up shop, delete websites and such when family, friends, neighbors, employers find out and destroy your kinky private hobbies. So sad. She was truly something to behold. Both her and Mary. Check them out yourselves. They were both 'Sexual Adventurers'. Ground breaking even. [also Kate and her husband made some exceptional gloryhole vids. She truly savored the taste of strange mens semen. I've got several of their videos here too] Wherever they are I truly wish them well. Me and my ex-wife did the same (gloryholes, theaters) back in the mid-90's until prudes, dweebs and assholes made our lives 'very uncomfortable' in the public eye (public gossip). Not cool when you're raising children. A very wise man once said 'Judge not lest ye be judged'. But hey, that seems a lifetime ago. Anywho... Always try to keep an open mind I say. Only then do you see life's many beautiful views.

Oh! I forgot to mention! I was a bartender for about 10 years. After my divorce? About 300 lovers. I dated at 17, married at 18. I kinda made up for it after my divorce. But THAT'S a different story...
[to be continued]

Note*
I just recently had a conversation with a polite 26yr old XHamster member regarding my 300 lovers statement. It never occured to me that such a thing would be considered outrageous. It just happened is all but it did not happen overnight. I was a bartender for 10 years. There are 365 days in a year. Times that amount by 10 and you get 3650 days. Divide that by 300 and you get 12.166666666 days of loneliness between lovers. A healthy couple has far more sex than your average bachelor...

"My reputation as a 'ladies man' was a joke.
It caused me to laugh bitterly through the 10,000 nights I spent alone."

-Leonard Cohen

To all who have contacted me through comments and personal messages. Thank you for your thoughts and kindness. It seems my view of the world is expanding by shared conversation, similar likes, and open doors to explore realms of sexuality I've never knew of. Sad that many in the world view sexuality as dirty or obscene. I am in no way homophobic but just today I enjoyed a conversation about the erotic beauty of a young girl posing next to a pond in the woods with a CD that opened my eyes to the appreciation of the female form. It was an eye opener. Looking forward to exploring beyond the boundaries of the world I have known and seeing it from another point of view.
To all who have shown me such kindnesses...
Be Well, Be Safe and Be Free

*To those of you who took the time to chat and such on Valentine's Day with me I give a heartfelt thank you for making my lonely day less gloomy. I have heart issues and have chosen celibacy until I walk through that final door. I refuse to allow a lover to watch me die. That is non-negotiable.
Once again... Thank You

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that counts; it's the life in your years."

-Abraham Lincoln

[celibacy is not as hard as having a terminal disease and your lover still plans for a shared tomorrow. I tried to date but it broke my heart. They loved me but need a solid future. It's easier this way. Besides I'm not totally alone. In many ways you beautiful women of the XHamster Community have become my lovers.
So yet again... I humbly thank you]

"Their love for me doesn't make me live longer....
It just cuts me deeper."

-Monolito

**Afterthought: I am not well.
Congestive Heart Failure.
Average person succumbs within 5 years.
I just entered Year 4.
Makes you think... a bit.
I am undefeated in battle.
I honestly believe I have one last one yet in me.
Boy, is he going to get it. It really is "Do or Die" for me.
Anywho... if my page ever goes silent? It's okay.
I am alive

for now.

But I am alive... Right Now

Finally... familiar voices

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?"

"Even if my words are never known,
I've lived a life more adventurous than most.
I know things no one knows,
to just spill it just nullifies my journey."

-Monolito

***To those who wonder why I would have a single picture in my favorite galleries is because that particular photo spoke to me so I would leave a comment to explain why I posted it. Basically sexual graffiti (wink wink)

****Just left my cardiologist. He gave me a High Five. I went from being tested every 6 months to one annual visit for my Congestive Heart Failure. To be honest I believe it's this XHamster community, the support I've gotten here, so many acts of kindness, verbal support through comments on my page and private messages through PMs that was the turning point. It kept me positive. I will never be cured of this but it looks like I'm going to sail past the 5 year average of when one succumbs to it. Looks like walking thru that final door is on hold for now. Let's see how long I can go past the expected mortality rate. Hahahahaha
To all of you who've shown me so much kindness...
I give a heartfelt THANK YOU (but not goodnight)

[June 22, 2019 Summer Solstice]
Reading my own profile today gives me a sense of imperious delusion. I am weaker from a year ago. My ability to articulate a response to new Xhamster contacts is not up to my own standard of honesty. As my heart weakens so does my ability of thought. It is the next stage of decline. I am not sad. I knew that this was coming. I am grateful for the many friends who have shown me so much kindness here. Claire and Tom "1234432112344321" of the UK especially. I love you both deeply. Rukia50000 of Los Angeles California lifted me too when I was in the clutches of demise. Thank you. Tammyhoney never once responded but I remember her first days on Xhamster. So very many of you dudes sharing dude things. Thanks for just being dudes. I miss Secret Sarah. I hope to hear from her before the final goodbye. Kolourkitty of the United Kingdom. Wherever you are. I love you so much. You're a remarkable young woman. Stand tall and proud always. There are so very many of you that I owe my heartfelt gratitude. I am without words for what you all mean to me. All is not lost. I am not giving up. I am simply acknowledging that as my heart weakens, as it pumps less and less oxygen, my mental facility, my memory, my freedom of choice, my soul, declines too. It is time for me to regroup. It's the final battle. It's the Alamo. Hear my war cry. I will not go down easy. Fuck 'em. I'm going to kick 'em in the balls. He sure as shit has got it coming. Let's see if he can take it. I'm going to make him whimper and cry. I am Monolito. I am the stone that remains. I am a rock.

"Maybe my woes of crystalline love, so lost and elusive, beyond my fingers grasp, are of my own design.
How dare I include intellect into the act of intimacy?
A true heartfelt moment in the drive-thru modern day where even fast food greasy Wi-Fi is on the lighted menu."

-Monolito